At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
