Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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