I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
