when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
