I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
