fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
