its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
