you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
