Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
