I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
