The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
