I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize