The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
