When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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