The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
