Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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