Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
