Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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