oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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