He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize