I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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