I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
