his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
