every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
