Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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