i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
