So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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