I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
