You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
