Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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