Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
