therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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