Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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