Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Are we still banned from the library?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
