I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
