my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
