Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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