I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
