Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
