This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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