Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
