If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
