dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
