I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
