DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
vagina is talking i cant
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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