Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
