I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
