Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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