just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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