It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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