I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
