if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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