You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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