I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
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i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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