My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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