Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
