You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
