How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
