Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
50% drunk capacity currently
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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