How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The air was thick with penises
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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