it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
