I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
