I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize