I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
