I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize