Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
