fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize