Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
