:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
