The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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