im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
