just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
