Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he was CRYING into my vagina
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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