I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
