That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
