a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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