Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
