Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
