I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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