How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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