dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
