Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
