So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
