She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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