this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
