Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
