I think im going to throw up on grandma
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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