She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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