I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Oh god it's open bar.
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