apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
