I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
