sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
