I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
