Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
