He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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