Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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