Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
